Have you ever read a story where the characters seemed so real, so vivid, that they lived on in your mind long after you finished the book? In our last contest we practiced writing catchy "openings", or beginnings, of stories. Now we're going to work on something a little trickier: creating realistic characters with words.

Here is your assignment:

Write several paragraphs that convincingly portray a person (or personality). You can portray a real person, a made-up character or even an animal as long as it has a distinct personality. Your entry should NOT be a complete story-- just an excerpt (portion) of a story.

Creating characters that "feel real" is a challenge, even for experienced writers. Fortunately, there are some tricks you can use to make your characters come alive. Here are several tips to get you started:

• Put a "wart" on your character's nose. No, I don't mean a real wart. I'm talking about some unique trait that sets your character apart from other characters. It might be that she's really, really grouchy, or that he's so vain he can't pass a mirror without admiring himself. It might be something physical like a limp, a silly laugh or a gesture. Figure out what it is that makes your character unique and use it!

• Show (don't tell!) what your character is like. Instead of writing, "She was a really grouchy lady," why not show your readers that she's grouchy by writing a scene where she yells a lot? Instead of writing, "He was scared of cows," write a scene where Your Hero runs wildly to get away from poor old Daisy. You get the idea? SHOW, don't TELL.

• Give your character a distinct "voice". Does everybody you know talk exactly the same? Use the same words? Have the same accent? Of course not! If you want to make your characters "come alive", pay special attention to their dialogue (speech). If everybody in your story sounds the same, it feels very fake. If you're not sure the dialogue you've written sounds real, try reading it aloud or into a tape recorder.

The Winners!

FIRST PLACE Entry by George Cheely Age 15 The manly face was creased by the nose, which protruded like a crooked buzzard's beak. Beneath her eyes hung enormous gray bags painted with water colors; the artist, of course, being insomnia. A gruff voice spilled hotly from her mouth, the harsh tone worn rough by years of inhaling the rolling smog from the dark city alleys and nicotine billows from burning white sticks. Her bleak brown eyes danced to a contemporary beat, filled with childlike curiosity, as [her friend's] stories unfolded like a gently sequined evening gown. The ragged clothes she wore stretched tightly around her waist with years of weight and wear... She wore a tattered scarf knotted around her thick neck, a makeshift hood to combat the frigid morning breezes... Arms folded tightly across a large, inherited chest. Tight, so tight, rigid with tightness. Exhausted, taking a respite from her greedy, insatiable children. She smelled of old muddled food, flung about her by her babies. (c)Copyright 1996 George Cheely All Rights Reserved

Judges' Comments: George paints a dramatic picture of his character in this entry. He does this through an interesting use of metaphors ("...gray bags painted with water colors; the artist, of course, being insomnia") and similies ("...nose protruded like a crooked buzzard's beak"; "stories unfolded like a gently sequined gown"). He also skillfully uses his character's appearance and actions to reveal her internal emotional state; for instance, "Her bleak brown eyes danced to a contemporary beat" tells us that this character's gruff outward manner and appearance are deceptive. "Arms folded tightly across [her] chest" describes a physical action that speaks of emotional tension. George makes her internal conflict clear in multiple ways. Using such varied and advanced writing techniques to build a believable character is quite a challenge, but George pulled it off. We recommend, however, that he watch his use of similies ("like" phrases), which tend to become repetitious, and that he also watch for adjective strings ("gently sequined evening gown"; "dark city alleys"). Using two or more adjectives in a row should be the exception, not the rule. Nontheless, the judge's panel agreed that George's convincing portrayal of his character earned him First Place. Congratulations, George!

SECOND PLACE Entry by Rebecca Jandrt Age 16 Charlotte had always been a good-natured child. She shared everything with me, her older sister, even if it was only half a lollipop. She usually had a shy smile on her cherubic face as if she knew something wonderful was about to happen. Even her delicate features reminded one of angels. She had beautiful dark blue eyes that seemed as deep as the ocean. Below them was a perfectly set pug nose that just cried out to be kissed. She had dark brown curls that framed her little face, and always seemed to work their way into tangled masses. Now some might say that a child of that beauty had to be spoiled in some way or another, but not my little sister Charlotte. She was perfect. (c)Copyright 1996 Rebecca Jandrt All Rights Reserved

Judges' Comments: Rebecca's submission has a light, conversational tone that's easy to read but often very hard to write! She uses a skillful mix of straight descriptive sentences ("Charlotte had always been a good-natured child"); actions ("She shared everything with me..."); and implied characteristics ("...a perfectly set pug nose that just cried out to be kissed") to build a clear image of her character. The judge's panel was uniformly impressed with the comfortable writing style Rebecca has already developed at age 16. For her fine work, we're happy to award Rebecca Second Place. Congratulations!

THIRD PLACE Entry by Sarah Tutun, Age 13 I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know I shouldn't be down here, but I am anyway. Adam talked me into it. Sweet, handsome, and evilly persuasive Adam. I'm scuba diving in the ocean, and I'm terrified of water. But I'm even more terrified of Adam. Of what he would do if I didn't listen to him. Of what would happen to me if I made him angry. I know he's dangerous, but when he looked at me with those dark, brooding eyes I melted, as I always do. I couldn't tell him no. Now I'm down here all alone. Adam's gone, my air is running out, and I'm afraid. Completely, utterly afraid. (c)Copyright 1996 Sarah Tutun All Rights Reserved

Judges' Comments: Sarah's submission is another example of that elusive element called "writing style". Hers is a more staccato style than either Rebecca's or George's, but it flows well. In this short passage, Sarah creates not one character, but two: the narrator and Adam. Like Rebecca, she uses a mix of straight descriptive sentences ("Sweet, handsome, evilly persuasive Adam") and actions ("I'm scuba diving in the ocean, and I'm terrified of water") to bring her characters to life. The sentence, "I'm scuba diving... and I'm terrified of water" beautifully demonstrates the narrator's internal conflict. Well done, Sarah!

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